Romeo finally arrived at the church. Sweet-scented flowers decorated the whole room and white candles were burning along the aisle towards the opened casket on the altar. He paced slowly to his Juliet, lying lifelessly inside the wooden casket. Oh, his love had left him forever!
“What’s the use of my being here on earth now? I shall kill myself!” he said, very upset, and left the church in a haste.
An hour later, he was already in a tavern, drinking loads of pints. As the night grew darker, he grew drunker. A wench was observing the young man attentively. She decided to approach him and asked what his problem was.
“She’s dead…” he sobbed.
“So, what are you doing here?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you go to the funeral now?”
“No! I want to die as well!”
“You want to kill yourself?”
“Aye!” He then stood up from his stool. “I shall prove my everlasting love for her. I shall take my own life for she was the reason I live.”
“Then, what are you doing in a tavern? Don’t you have yourself to kill now?”
“Quiet, wench!” Romeo drew his sword from its sheath and swung it to the wench’s throat threateningly. “I shall die tonight! When I walk home from this stinky tavern, very drunk to see my way, a large royal carriage will run over my body, and I won’t feel any pain because I’ll be too drunk, but I shall be dead. And I shall be together again in death with my love.”
The wench rolled her eyes. “You can always stab your heart you know? It’s simpler. And what makes you think that you can be together with her in death? You’re dead.”
At the remark, Romeo started to think. He put his sword back into its sheath and exhaled. Refusing to show his absent-mindedness he arrogantly said, “It’s a nobility’s privilege to know such things. Definitely beyond the knowledge of a wench.”
“Aye, but this wench is pretty, sexy and alive. Are you sure you want to waste your life on your gorgeous but dead girlfriend?” She moved closer to him, lowering down one side of her collar, exposing her creamy shoulder.
Romeo’s drunken eyes stared at the wench. She was, in fact, a pretty and sexy woman. Sexier that Juliet if he could be honest. Then, he started to think again. “Uh… maybe I can spend my last night with a living woman…”
The wench laughed in victory. “If you can pay well, rich boy, I can be as alive as I can be,” she boasted as she winked at him.
Meanwhile at the church, Juliet suddenly gasped for air. She opened her eyes and brought herself to sit. “Romeo!” she yelled.
It took her a few seconds to realize that the church was empty. No Romeo, no nurse, no apothecary. “Hello?” she called out. No answer.
She climbed out of her casket and decided to write her family a note. She took a piece of paper, a bottle of ink and a quill. She then started to write with excitement.
“Dear Mom and Dad,
I was dead, the apothecary helped me (but please don’t kill him). It means my marriage with Romeo is off because I only promise God until death do us part. Death did take me, but thanks to the apothecary, I’m now alive (now you know why you shouldn’t kill him). Anyway, I’m writing to you to say that I’m leaving for my trip far far away to some tropical lands. I may not come back, but I think you will be happy to know that my insurance will pay you both handsomely now that I’m dead. Well, I’m not exactly dead, but they think so, and so you must keep your mouths shut about my trip. Give Nurse my hug and I hope she can get the man of her dreams (the Duke! But don’t tell her I tell you this or she’ll kill me! Well, I’m dead anyway. Uhm, not exactly dead, but you know what I mean…) Hope all will be well with you two! (Don’t let them arrest you because of the insurance scam, I really hope you both will be smarter.)
PS: Tell Daddy’s favorite knight that he’s a cutie. Never had the chance to say it to him personally 😛
Love,
Juliet XOXO”
Uncharted 